Popcorn Lung, huh? About the funniest name I've heard since Restless Leg Syndrome. With all the problems we've got facing this great nation, you've really got to be searching for a fight to talk to me about Popcorn Lung. Sounds like a pretty lame disease to me, maybe Hillary's got it in her health care plan. When you said bronchiolitis obliterans, I'm like, whoa, big word alert. Sounds serious. Sounds like something that could obliterate your bronchiolitis, and that can't be good, but sheesh, Popcorn Lung? What's next, JuJubesitis?

I mean, I'm sorry if a few popcorn workers are getting shortness of breath, but we've got brave men and women fighting and dying for our survival in the godforsaken dessert where it's so hot you don't even need a microwave to get Popcorn Lung, least it feels that way from what the troops on the ground tell me. And now the House of Representatives is looking for me to sign a bill that would limit the amount of diacetyl in the nation's popcorn supply? This is worse than a do-nothing Congress, this is a do a bunch of silly things Congress, and it's about time we told them to keep their hands off the nation's snack food.

See, what the nanny-class won't tell you, what they don't want you to know, is that diacetyl is the ingredient that is responsible for popcorn's buttery goodness. Diacetyl creates that fragrance which makes a man get up from his seat, walk into the next cubicle, and say 'Hey Bill, did you just make popcorn?'

I'm drawing the line at anything that would limit our citizens from participating in a shared experience as intrinsically American as that. Besides, I'm a pretzel man.



2007, Mark Hoback