Flush with confidence following his massive victory at the very important Iowa State Fair and Straw Poll, where he spent between four and eight hundred dollars per vote to squeak past political lightweights like Mike Huckabee, presidential frontrunner Mitt Romney has launched his blitzkrieg of a campaign on the salt of the earth of South Carolina.

"We're gonna get 'er done," Romney told a crowd of nearly two hundred outside the old Columbia court house, where a large Romney campaign van was handing out hotdogs with all the fixins along with ice cold Doctor Peppers. "We're gonna get 'er done good, just like we got old Mrs. Cavenaugh's apple pie done. Pie was mighty goooood."

The pie remark was aimed at a controversy that broke out in Iowa after everybody sobered up from the state fair and realized that Mitt Romney had made a dang fool out of them by stealing Mrs. Cavenaugh's prize winning deep-dish Nutty Apple Pie, and then blaming it on Sir Prance-a-lot, the fair's prize winning pie.

"You know what I say," Romney explained, "I say, let the feller who hadn't done no sinnin' go ahead and throw that first stone, if he wants to be all self-righteous bout it. Cause doncha know, I'd be lyin to ya if I said I was sorry I stolt that pie, just compoundin' my problems, looky here, now I got me two sins steada one. Heck, there ain't no one here that wouldn't a stole that pie, and once I get to be your president, I'd consider that a pardonable offense."


2007, Mark Hoback