In spite of his downward spiral in the national polls (where he once dwelt as big dog), Rudy Giuliani voices no regrets about having spent the past four months in sunny Florida.

"Regrets, I've had a few, but then again, too few to mention," says America's Mayor in between sips of a pina colada at Miami's legendary New Delhi Lounge & Deli poolside bar.

"This is a beautiful state. Just look at all the crap holes that I didn't have to visit. New Hampshire, cold. Michigan, colder than a witch's teat. Iowa, cold and full of bumpkins. South Carolina, not all that warm and full of rednecks. Florida, man, it's the bomb."

Many, however, feel that even Giuliani's Florida campaign has been flawed. He now is expected to come in third, behind McCain and Romney.

"Hell, I might even come in behind Huckabee," Giuliani says with a laugh, as a comely assistant lights his large fragrant cigar. With a sly mile, he indicates that it comes "from down the road a little piece. Después de la revolución, todos fuman cigarros buena!"

"Look, I take responsibility for all of the shortcomings of my campaign. This was my strategy. There's one school of thought that I should have at least gone to other parts of Florida aside from the resort areas and gated communities. And my answer is 'Why would I want to do that?'"

"Some people even suggested that I should get out and visit the other states more often. I respectfully disagree. If you check my record, you'll see that I attended every debate, no matter what sort of godforsaken place it was held in. Should I have stayed and mingled with the common people? There are those that say yes. But I'll be damned if I'm going to flip burgers for the Shriners like that idiot Mitt Romney."

That idiot Romney is now leading Giuliani in his own home state, a fact that Rudy attributes to "New Yorkers having rocks in their heads. If they had any brains, they wouldn't be living in New York. They'd be down here, where it's warm."



©2008, Mark Hoback