Mount Hillary, at long last reaching her breaking point after nearly a month of billowing heavy black smoke, erupted yesterday in a dazzling display of pyrotechnics, spewing molten lava and poisonous gasses from her crater at a summit in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. While most people fled to the safety of neighboring environs, a large group of 'hillagers' remained to worship at the site of the eruption, and warned of more magma to come.

Scientists and Bill both agree that the cause of the eruption is the unseemly choir of discordant detractors urging her to withdraw from the Democratic presidential race. The final trigger was probably a statement by rival Barack Obama stating that it was okay with him if Clinton stays in the race as long as she wants.

"ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!", Hillary railed to her audience. "I HAVE HAD IT WITH THIS MOTHERFUCKING CONDESCENSION ON THIS MOTHERFUCKING CAMPAIGN. EVERYBODY BETTER STRAP IN BECAUSE I AM ABOUT TO OPEN UP SOME FUCKING WINDOWS!"

While it was one of Clinton's shorter speeches, many observers felt that it was among her most effective.

"It was really heart-felt," said Lawanda Bell, a Lancaster native. "As a woman I can really relate to her frustration, the sort of frustration that every woman feels when a man says that we're just as good as him, but you know deep down inside that he doesn't feel that way at all. You go, Hillary."

Other reactions were more wary. "I worry about the language and it's effect on the children," said Suzanne Parsnip from neighboring Pennzoil County. "A lot of people in these parts don't use words like motherfucker, so I have to wonder if she's contributing to a coarsening of the culture. It certainly makes one wonder how she would react if there was another terrorist attack like 9/11. I probably wouldn't be able to allow the kids to watch television."

 

 

2008, Mark Hoback