According to FOX News, Fred 'Lazy Boy' Thompson is challenging his Republican opponents to join him in a series of 'low-key' debates, held in a setting of his own choosing; preferably at his house, in a nice chair by the fire, sometime around seven-thirty PM on a Thursday.

"I would like for each of us in small groups ... to sit in small groups and have a discussion, a round-table discussion. Anybody who's a serious contender for the nomination - I would get to decide as to who I'd get to sit down with, and it'd be several. And I'd do it one-on-one, one-on-three or whatever."

"Wouldn't that be nice," said Senator John McCain, responding to the invitation. "I guess I probably wouldn't make the cut, because I'm not a 'serious contender' like Fred Thompson. I don't think my self-esteem could deal with the possibility of rejection by the former star of 'Curly Sue', so I guess I'm going to just have to tell Fred to go fuck himself."

"That was not a very gentlemanly response," said Thompson. "Not that I would've invited McCain anyway."

Mike Huckabee recalled that Thompson had issued a similar challenge earlier this year. "Yes, indeed. He held out the challenge, I accepted, and then he backed out, saying there were nine other candidates harrumph harrumph harrumph. I guess I wasn't 'serious' enough for him. This from a man who wears penny loafers."

"Well, he wasn't serious enough back then," replied Thompson defensively. "But that was then, and this is now, and frankly I must say that if he doesn't know the difference, he doesn't deserve to be in my living room."



2007, Mark Hoback