Thompson Announcement Expected Today

Imaginary Republican frontrunner Fred Thompson has scheduled a conference call to supporters for 4PM this afternoon, where he is expected to announce that he is considering making an announcement next week regarding the possibility of a making 'an important announcement'.

Asked whether he would be broadcasting his intention to make a presidential run, spokesman Todd Harris said "Heavens, no, Fred isn't about to run anywhere. He finds running unseemly, and to be honest, it does make him sweat."

Known for his innate playfulness, Thompson demonstrated his legendary wit by refusing to inform his supporters which time zone he would be calling from, causing followers to worry that they might be forced to sit by the phone all afternoon.

"Oh, I could be anywhere," teased Thompson. "New York, Hollywood, somewhere in between. I was in Tokyo once. That's a marvelous city to make a conference call from. But, all kidding aside, we're looking at Eastern Standard Time as our primary option. That fits in well with my self image, plus it's right after The Ellen DeGeneres Show, which I try never to miss unless it's a repeat. I'll be with my lovely wife in our lovely home in McLean, downstairs in the den on my Barcalounger with a cold beverage, feet up, ears open. Or perhaps I should say mouth open, as I do have an announcement to make. Or maybe we can all just shoot the breeze."



2007, Mark Hoback